And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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