i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
