either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
