Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
