Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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