I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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