I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
