I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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