had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
