Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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