He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
