Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I pour the whiskey from now on
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
