Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
