Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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