How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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