if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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