Who did Billy Mays play for?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
