gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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