The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
