never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
