Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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