he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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