the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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