she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
