NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
