it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
