yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
