my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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