WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
