so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
