The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
