well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
