I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In America we eat man semen.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
