I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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