You can't special order awesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am available for nakedness
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
