Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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