Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
