How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
