Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
