Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
