Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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