she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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