allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
