Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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