Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
