Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
