i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
