Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
