me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
