Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
